A Helping Hand
by lilycraven
Summary: Lily's in the middle of sorting out her love triangle when she gets some help from an unexpected source.


_Disclaimer: Like so many other things, _Crossing Jordan_ and all related characters, events, and situations do not belong to me (although I'd be happy to take them if the owners ever want to get rid of them). I am merely borrowing them for a few pages…_

_Author's Note: After watching "Loves Me Not" and "The Elephant in the Room", I started to wonder about what happened to the idea of Matt and Lily. This plot bunny is a result of my shipper musings. Thanks for reading—this is the first fic I've done, and I'd adore feedback.  
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"No, I understand. We'll go next time. No… no, Jeffrey, I don't want to go alone. There'll be other operas, okay? Just get ready for trial. No, why would I be upset? I'll call you tomorrow." 

Lily flung the receiver back into its cradle, wincing at the sharp sound of slamming plastic. This morning, she had been all too eager to spend the evening at the opera with Jeffrey. She had even pulled her formal out of its forgotten corner that morning, pleased to see the black satin was relatively wrinkle-free. Just the thing to impress her significantly more cultured boyfriend, although she doubted it would take much to impress Jeffrey.

But being dumped for the night was a fitting end to her nightmarish day. The seemingly unending string of notifications, light fading from the eyes of so many family members still holding out hope of a misunderstanding. A heart attack, a stabbing downtown from the previous evening, a car accident whose victim was so badly mangled the identification had to be done with a photograph and his wedding ring.

None of them compared to her last notification, though. A group of children playing hockey on a neighborhood pond had gone through the ice. Five had gone in. Only two had come out.

It was the children that broke Lily's heart, the lives cut short at such a young age. The image of one boy, still clad in his sweatshirt and kneepads, stuck in her head. His mother had refused to accept her son was dead, pleading with him to wake up until she collapsed into Jordan's arms. Nothing Lily could say would change the fact that he was never coming home.

This wouldn't be the first case that refused to fade from her mind, nor did she expect it would be the last. She realized though just how much she relied on her coworkers to break through that haze. But Jordan and Nigel had headed out to a crime scene, Garret was holed up in his office with Renee, and Bug…

It had been almost a week since Bug had dropped his bombshell, leaving her reeling from the idea that he was still in love with her. Had been in love with her all these years. The thought made her head spin. How was she supposed to react to such a revelation, especially given her situation with Jeffrey? She had no idea what to think, or more important, what to do.

She knew she wasn't in love with him. But the depth of his emotion struck her. Maybe she didn't need to be. Maybe if she gave it a chance, something would emerge. Or maybe she had been reading too many series romances, where the heroine goes from hate to lust and finally to love in the same time it took most people to balance their checkbook.

And what about Jeffrey? His quirks were endearing, especially his stammer when he was nervous. He could be fun to spend an evening with, although she did wish for a bit more excitement sometimes. Jeffrey was… well, safe. There was nothing wrong with that. Maybe a little security was what she needed in her life.

Lily knew she'd have to deal with the situation soon. As it was, she was tense enough to snap any minute. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt anyone, so maybe it was better if she just avoided men altogether for the present. Yes, tonight she'd light some incense, take a hot bath, and see if she could make her head stop pounding long enough to get some sleep.

But first she had to finish this paperwork. Popping a few aspirin into her mouth, she tore into the top sheet.

The stack was significantly shorter when she got the feeling someone was watching her. Annoyed, she didn't bother to look up.

"What?"

"Aren't we a little grouchy today?" At the sound of Matt's voice, Lily turned her head to see the detective smiling from the doorway.

"I'm sure you have much better things to do than comment on my mood." She turned back to the form. "And I need to finish this."

"Sorry. I just thought I'd take you up on your offer."

Her pen dropped. "What offer?"

Matt stepped inside. "You once told me that you could use a cup of coffee and someone to talk to. From the looks of things, today's another one of those days."

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, I don't know. The mountain of paperwork that's threatening to take over your office?" His face grew serious. "I hear it's been a little crazy here lately."

Lily tried to smile. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay, we'll play it your way." Matt turned and closed the door. He then turned to her office window and snapped the blinds closed.

"What are you doing?" she asked, suddenly a little apprehensive.

Crossing behind her, he replied, "Just close your eyes."

"Matt…"

He froze. "Do you trust me?"

Lily looked up at him, still not quite sure what to make of his request. "I…"

Matt knelt down until they were practically nose-to-nose. Taking her hand, he whispered, "Have I ever done anything to hurt you?"

The tone of his voice caught her off-guard. "No," she whispered back.

"Then please, trust me right now and close your eyes."

She stared at him for a moment, then slowly let her eyes close.

With a gentle squeeze, Matt let go of her hand. She heard him stand, then felt the warm pressure of his hands on her shoulders. Slowly, she could feel her muscles yielding, unraveling themselves from the knots they had become. As he found a particularly stubborn place, she groaned.

"Have you been practicing your Girl Scout knots on yourself again? You're so tight, Lily."

In a daze, she asked, "Where did you pick up this particular skill, Detective?"

Half-expecting one of his biting remarks, she was surprised when he answered, "My sister used to have trouble breathing when she was little. This always used to help her."

"You have a sister?"

"Frightening, isn't it?" His hands moved down her spine, pausing on occasion to work out the more stubborn knots. "You want to tell me what's got you so worked up your body's declared mutiny?"

There was a silence as Lily pondered his question. For a moment, she considered ignoring him and hoping he wouldn't press the issue. But something about the surrealism of the situation and the blissful feeling radiating from Matt's hands made her break down.

"We had this mother come in to identify her son's body. It didn't go well." She felt her eyes begin to mist under her lids.

"How old?"

"Eight. She sent him off to school this morning, just like any other day. She didn't know it'd be the last time she'd see him. She…" Lily trailed off. "She didn't know…" A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm sorry."

Without missing a beat, Matt jumped in. "Don't be. Lily, this is what makes you so good at your job. You care about the people who come through here. Otherwise, you might as well be a homicide detective," he joked.

"Don't say that," she whispered. At one point, she would have seriously considered that to be the truth, that the only things Matt Seely cared about were his closure rate and getting a date for the weekend. But here he was, trying to help her through her day.

Then it struck her. She couldn't remember the last time Matt had flirted with her. What had been almost a regular part of her day had vanished and she hadn't even noticed. Almost as shocking to her was the realization that she missed it. The glances, the innuendos, the moments when no one else was looking.

Maybe it was the endorphins running through her system or the lack of sleep, but Lily threw her sense of propriety out the window.

"Why don't you flirt with me anymore?" There. Now that she'd said the words, there was no going back.

Matt's breath caught for an instant before the silence overtook them again. Neither moved as the words hung there. Then just as suddenly, Matt's hands resumed their movement down her neck. Lily let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding, realizing how forward she must have sounded. She opened her mouth to take it back when the sound of his voice stopped her.

"It wasn't the right time."

Against her better judgment, she asked, "Why not?" A thought crossed her mind. "Am I suddenly not good enough for you?" she wondered aloud.

Lily opened her eyes as she felt Matt's hands leave her. She watched as he crossed the room to perch on the arm of her couch. After a moment, he looked at her.

"You had so much going on with your mother. Anything I said or did was obviously going to be wrong. I'm not sure if you noticed, but my people skills aren't that great," he chuckled.

Lily moved to the edge of her desk. "You found the woman who killed my mother. I wouldn't exactly call that nothing, Matt."

He shrugged. "It's my job."

"It's been months since my mother died. It's like you purposely go out of your way to avoid being alone with me." Until tonight, she added to herself.

"That's not true!" Matt protested weakly, but Lily wasn't about to let him off that easily.

"Matt, you've been here so much lately that I'm starting to think they moved the precinct downstairs! What aren't you telling me?"

"Just drop it, Lily!" He was up in a flash and headed to the door, but Lily was faster.

Grabbing his arm, she tried to turn him toward her. Matt stood firm, his white-knuckled hand gripping the handle.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

Stunned, Lily let her hand fall away. "What are you talking about?"

"Every time I come in here and see you, see what you do, I…" he trailed off. She watched in silence, waiting for him to continue. "I don't have your idealism, Lily. You deserve someone who can give that back to you, not a cynic who can't ever seem to say the right thing." Ruefully, he smiled. "Besides, it's not like you're having a shortage of men pounding down your door lately, from what I hear."

Groaning, Lily shook her head. "How did you know about that?" she asked, sliding onto the couch.

"Lab's a small place, especially when Bug is your new best friend. How you holding up?"

"I honestly don't know," she shrugged. "I mean, it totally blindsided me and the scary thing is, I should have seen it coming." She glanced up at him. "Are you sure you want to be talking about this?"

Matt rubbed his forehead. "Not really, no," he admitted. "But I'll bet Jordan's been a little busy with her own love life lately to deal with yours. Macy's got enough on his plate with the drinking, Bug is obviously out of the question, and Nigel is his best friend, which is almost as awkward. And I'm betting Brandau has no idea about Bug's little bombshell, right?" Lily nodded. "Speaking of your little flame, why are you here and not out with him?"

"Don't ask."

"Look, Lily, there's no easy way to say this. No matter what our past is, I want to be here for you right now. If you need to talk or anything. I know I'm not known for my sensitivity—"

"That's an understatement," she laughed.

"But I'm here, okay? No pressure. Just don't let it get around, okay. It might ruin my reputation in the department," he grinned.

Lily couldn't help but smile at the thought. She started to respond, but the words caught in her throat when she saw the seriousness in his eyes. Instead, she reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "Thanks, Matt."

"Any time." Reluctantly he pulled away, dropping a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Well, I should be going. You're not going to get through that mountain with me here," he gestured toward her desk. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." She watched him leave, wondering what kind of twilight zone she had fallen into. The new sensitive Matt Seely. Would wonders never cease? She'd always known there was something lurking beneath the bravado he put up to the rest of the world. Those little glimpses were what had always drawn her toward him, although she had to admit it was a lot of fun fighting with his arrogant side. She felt that old tingle run through her, one that she realized hadn't ever really gone away. The thought shocked her.

Then it hit her—Jeffrey had never made her feel like that. Come to think of it, neither had Bug. The last thing she needed right now was another man, but what if Matt was the right man for her? He seemed to know exactly what she needed and gave it freely, asking for nothing in return. He was intelligent, funny, and she had to admit he looked pretty good in those turtlenecks. Plus he still had a thing for her, that much she was sure of.

Lily stood, torn. After an eternity, she grabbed her things and ran toward the elevator.

Matt had his back to her, and for a moment she just watched him. Then, seeing the elevator doors open, she ran inside after him.

"When I said 'any time', I didn't think you'd interpret it as 'five minutes from now,'" he smiled.

Catching her breath, Lily blurted, "Have you eaten yet?"

Amused, he answered, "Not yet. Why? Are you planning something exotic? Some sort of vegan power dish, perhaps?"

"Actually, I was thinking about trying the Italian place around the corner. I wouldn't mind the company." She hoped that didn't sound too desperate. "I could use a friend after today."

"I don't know, Lily."

"Besides, I was hoping to get the inside story on this picture that's floating around. You and the freight elevator—"

"Damn him!" As the doors opened, he glanced at her. "Just how many people have seen that photo?"

"I'll tell you over dinner."

"Hard bargain. You'll let me defend myself, right?" Lily nodded. "Then what are we waiting for?"


End file.
